yesterday was a hard day. it wasn't bad, just hard. i didn't want to deal with it. i didn't want to delve into the pain, so i ran from it. things don't really go well when you run from things that you need to stand in. you start looking for something, anything to escape. i tried working with my hands. i tried filling my time with reading all sorts of things that didn't stir my heart and didn't make me think. i tried lots and lots of distractions. i was just too afraid that if He opened that pain, i would fall into it and not get out.
i talked with a woman i didn't know this week about hope and pain. nine months ago she lost her baby boy. she was 5 1/2 months pregnant. we pulled no punches in speaking about death. there was no flavor of stoicism or "pulling yourself up by your boot straps." there were no shallow words of comfort. sometimes there was silence. other times, laughing. it was refreshingly honest and transparent.
it's only from that place that i can stand talk of hope. otherwise i tend to shut down and call b.s., but from that place, that place of weakness and vulnerability, man does hope grab hold. it is so very beautiful. it is so very good. it's only from that place that Jesus doesn't seem profaned.
blessed are the poor in spirit,
for their is the kingdom of heaven.
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