mi familia

i had another peculiar dream last night. i was on some mission type thing (i know, i have a lot of action/adventure dreams) when somehow i ended up with someone's child. she was probably around 18 months and her name was adriane. she was a beautiful little girl with blonde hair and big blue eyes. unfortunately i can't remember how i got her, but i know it was something significant. the strange thing is, even though i had some compassion for the girl, i was so consumed with what i had to do and with my own life that i just couldn't seem to remember her. it wasn't like i was pushing her aside. i truly just could not seem to remember that she existed. in the beginning my mind was taken with the importance of the mission that i needed to complete, but as the dream progressed more and more frivolous things displaced her in my mind. the dream ended with a woman coming up to me angry and frantic because adriane was gone. i woke up upset because we never did find her and i finally realized what i had lost.

sometimes i think i'm exactly like this. i've been entrusted with something beautiful, something that needs compassion, attention, protection, and sacrifice of my personal endeavors. it's something that takes priority over even the most important of things i wish to throw myself into, but i just keep forgetting it. more often than not, i think this something beautiful is my family. we've been through a lot. for a long time i thought i didn't really have one anymore. we're so spread out. my dad and stepmom are in fort collins. my mom is in overland park. my sister and her husband are in miami. my brother is in jacksonville. my stepbrother is in topeka. my stepsister is stationed in norfolk.

despite all of this, God is building something stunning. i've never been closer to my sister. i truly enjoy my mom and my brother. i've finally discarded all the stupid lies that were making me afraid of disappointing my dad. he is wonderful. and i now think "step" is inconsequential. but i realized that a lot of people seem to forget that i exist in a family. i asked my roommate why she thought that was and she said that one, they are so far away, and two, i never really talk about them. ouch. it's true. when i was in colorado this past week my stepmom mentioned that i always seem to be looking for a family. ouch again. i don't want to find another one. i want to enjoy mine. i really do have a spectacular family. maybe it's time that i put some more effort into making sure they know that.