waiting. or wading. or rolling?

so i'm not going to school this fall... and i'm going somewhere. i would love to go overseas, but it's probably not that wise. dano (otherwise known as mi padre) said that where ever i go i have to work. probably a good plan. so who knows... God. God knows. not me. not yet.

but i've been getting the travel bug lately (not that i haven't been traveling enough in the past weeks). i want to go somewhere and be immersed in beauty. nature. camping. yeah that sounds right.

i've always wanted to visit the west coast. oregon and northern california. that sounds good. that tastes right. or maybe east instead. someday i'm going to be one of those crazies that hiked the entirety of the appalachian trail. people go insane hiking that thing. too much silence. not enough civilization. i think one of the qualifiers is to have a wicked beard... i'll have to start working on that one.

i want to learn to surf. my brother has got it down pretty good, or so he says. or maybe learn an instrument. i've done my time with percussion. i'd like to try the violin. or create metal sculpture. or play lacrosse. or break dance. or become a whitewater rafting instructor. or skydive. or... something. anything.

i just want something new. i want some beginnings to encourage me on in this big, vast field of inbetweens and waiting. it's a strange place, this field. at first it seems to suffocate. sometimes it makes me forget to breathe, but if i keep my eyes open to what lies ahead, a rainbow, a glimmering splash of life emerges in the gray. it's Him. it's Life. and when i reach out to it, there is a strange sensation of freedom, but it's not something that overwhelms. it's a sliver of light that grows slowly. it's a long road with twists and turns. but it's there. and it's good.

but who am i to talk in abstractions? maybe i should stick with what i know. and that is this: i am my God's. my God is good. my God will not abandon. my God creates. He delights. more specifically He delights in good. He has restored me to good. He delights in me. my God is in control. nothing surprises Him. nothing can thwart Him. i am not God. i don't understand Him, but He can be known so that's what i'm after.

sounds good to me.