big fish jumping.

so i'm posting again. i promise i'll be less lame when i go to colorado and have a life. for now, don't judge me :)

on the topic of my obsession with swimming:

i have issues floating on my back. i try and i try but i always sink when i exhale. then of course i wig out and instead of relaxing my muscles to stay afloat, i sink even more. its been especially difficult lately because i've been so stressed that i don't know how to relax my muscles.

but today was different.

it stared out like usual. i exhaled and began to sink, but instead of floundering i inhaled and floated up again. it was a pleasant rhythm. exhale, sink. inhale, rise. exhale, sink. inhale, rise. with the waves gently pushing me further into the lake and the sun shining brilliantly through my closed eyelids, it felt like being lulled into security and safety in liquid love.

i wonder if that's what brock feels? does he know who he is and where he's at? does he know what's going on? can he still hear the voice of God if he doesn't know anything else? i don't really know. it scared me. so much so that i couldn't float anymore. my muscles tensed. i sank like a rock. i blame it on the heavy heart.

All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow, carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through